Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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