my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
