did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
