Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
