I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
