We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize