No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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