reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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