he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
