my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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