Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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