so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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