Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
time to smoke my breakfast
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
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Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The Olympian is in my bed
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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