i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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