You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
sarcasm needs its own font
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
