you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize