i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
