i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
