We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
