It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
