Midget sex pt 2 tonight
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
last night I used snow as a chaser
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
