a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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