He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
