Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
