Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
