just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
