Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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