Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
