I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
