I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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