I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
