my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
