I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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