What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
