Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
