Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
