Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
