No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
