i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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