Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
