capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
bring money and cleavage
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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