On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
