I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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