I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
