It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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