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I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
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