Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist