I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.