GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.