I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
