I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize