Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
