Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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