So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
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I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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