Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
