Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
