where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Fuck appropriateness.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
