If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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