just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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