Screwed.edu
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
